Should I just lie, when asked - "No, I'm not single"?
I don't want to lie. But answering "Yes" leaves me open to instant, underwhelming mating attempts from insidiously boring men.
When I tell them how much I fail to appreciate the gross forwardness of men at establishments shilling liquor, not only do they fail to get the hint, but they advise me on how to deal with it: tell the men outright I don't want to fuck them.
Even if they haven't hit on me.
Even if they're just being friendly.
I'm doled this advice too often.
This idea that I'm too attractive to be standing there alone and any man who approaches must be verbally warned that his penis has no presence in my body, existence, or future.
What the fuck.
I'm to assume all guys want to fuck me?
That my value to a male stranger is only sexual?
How fucking arrogant is that?
How fucking arrogant is it that when an interested man does talk to me and finds out I'm single, he assumes his attraction must mean I want him back.
Like some schlub who works little on his appearance walks up to me with 2 hours of make-up and thinks he's a prize.
No, they don't even think about what there is to offer, beyond alcohol. No good conversation, seldomly good looks or fitness, nothing. Just want. Sometimes they talk themselves up, shit like how they love to go down on chicks and can go for hours.
This is always a lie.
I've been told I make eye contact a lot and listen, and men only experience this from women with interested vaginas.
These dudes don't get that I grew up with 3 older bros and think more like them - I forget I'm female but get constantly reminded.
They also don't listen when I tell them I don't hang around guys who always remind me of my fucking gender.
When I'm playing music, I barely have a gender.
Instead of girls being expected to tell men to fuck off, or to let them down mid-one-way-flirt, or pre-emptively ward them off, and most likely leave them rejected and uninterested in any professional or personal relationship and potentially earning their spite, or worse... maybe guys shouldn't expect so much.
I know - dudes are evolved to be more optimistic and pushy about mating. You can learn about it in The Psychology of Attractiveness - studies have shown in.
Men have 400,000,000 sperm per ejaculation. Women have 13 eggs a year. Of course we are pickier. Of course we pick up on signals better - for benefit and safety.
But this idea that if we make ourselves pretty we must be up for it by whomever (dude the other night said "You're a knockout - of course every guy here wants to put his dick in you. I want to put my dick in you"), that we need to verbally deter - hiw about guys change their fucking shit. Listen. Watch. STOP FUCKING DRINKING
STOP FUCKING DRINKING
STOP FUCKING DRINKING
If you come off as a 1970s Aussie male chauvinist bordering on rapey vibes, you have no fucking right to go drinking in public. Esp. if you imagine booze helps you talk to women - talking to them like they're your bagsied fuckhole is not welcome. And then turning passive-aggressive? Nope. Nope nope.
I havr social anxiety. Pretty bad. It takes a lot to go out, especially alone. And then to be treated like garnished meat? Girfriends scowl at me, men either avoid me or become penis salesmen? What's the alternative - go without makeup or nice clothes and be looked at like I'm sick (I am, I hide that for survival).
I'm watching Mad Men and getting angry seeing the shit that was commonplace then is still standard now. Boys will be boys.
Will I ever meet a man? The only guys who hit on me are ones that I would never want, and refuse to see me for who I am, no matter how much I tell them who I really am.
Maybe I'm just destined to be a lone cat, slinking around different driveways, never with my own backyard.
I don't want to lie. But answering "Yes" leaves me open to instant, underwhelming mating attempts from insidiously boring men.
When I tell them how much I fail to appreciate the gross forwardness of men at establishments shilling liquor, not only do they fail to get the hint, but they advise me on how to deal with it: tell the men outright I don't want to fuck them.
Even if they haven't hit on me.
Even if they're just being friendly.
I'm doled this advice too often.
This idea that I'm too attractive to be standing there alone and any man who approaches must be verbally warned that his penis has no presence in my body, existence, or future.
What the fuck.
I'm to assume all guys want to fuck me?
That my value to a male stranger is only sexual?
How fucking arrogant is that?
How fucking arrogant is it that when an interested man does talk to me and finds out I'm single, he assumes his attraction must mean I want him back.
Like some schlub who works little on his appearance walks up to me with 2 hours of make-up and thinks he's a prize.
No, they don't even think about what there is to offer, beyond alcohol. No good conversation, seldomly good looks or fitness, nothing. Just want. Sometimes they talk themselves up, shit like how they love to go down on chicks and can go for hours.
This is always a lie.
I've been told I make eye contact a lot and listen, and men only experience this from women with interested vaginas.
These dudes don't get that I grew up with 3 older bros and think more like them - I forget I'm female but get constantly reminded.
They also don't listen when I tell them I don't hang around guys who always remind me of my fucking gender.
When I'm playing music, I barely have a gender.
Instead of girls being expected to tell men to fuck off, or to let them down mid-one-way-flirt, or pre-emptively ward them off, and most likely leave them rejected and uninterested in any professional or personal relationship and potentially earning their spite, or worse... maybe guys shouldn't expect so much.
I know - dudes are evolved to be more optimistic and pushy about mating. You can learn about it in The Psychology of Attractiveness - studies have shown in.
Men have 400,000,000 sperm per ejaculation. Women have 13 eggs a year. Of course we are pickier. Of course we pick up on signals better - for benefit and safety.
But this idea that if we make ourselves pretty we must be up for it by whomever (dude the other night said "You're a knockout - of course every guy here wants to put his dick in you. I want to put my dick in you"), that we need to verbally deter - hiw about guys change their fucking shit. Listen. Watch. STOP FUCKING DRINKING
STOP FUCKING DRINKING
STOP FUCKING DRINKING
If you come off as a 1970s Aussie male chauvinist bordering on rapey vibes, you have no fucking right to go drinking in public. Esp. if you imagine booze helps you talk to women - talking to them like they're your bagsied fuckhole is not welcome. And then turning passive-aggressive? Nope. Nope nope.
I havr social anxiety. Pretty bad. It takes a lot to go out, especially alone. And then to be treated like garnished meat? Girfriends scowl at me, men either avoid me or become penis salesmen? What's the alternative - go without makeup or nice clothes and be looked at like I'm sick (I am, I hide that for survival).
I'm watching Mad Men and getting angry seeing the shit that was commonplace then is still standard now. Boys will be boys.
Will I ever meet a man? The only guys who hit on me are ones that I would never want, and refuse to see me for who I am, no matter how much I tell them who I really am.
Maybe I'm just destined to be a lone cat, slinking around different driveways, never with my own backyard.
Maybe
I should wear a wedding ring. I'd rather men learn that single doesn't
mean available, but I don't want to have to have a conversation about
why no means no all the time. I don't want that job.
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