Gut Scraper

It seems like everyone ended the year in a happy relationship while I wound up with my guts scraping on the floor through the souls of my feet. Do you ever look at everyone else in their functional lives and think you're just too different to be one of them? Like they hold a secret or are too genetically different to hold that much in common with you? Like no matter how much you try to change it, and fake it, and take shit until there's no room for air, you just never get there? That no matter how kind or valuable or embracing you try to be, you're not wanted or needed anywhere on Earth? That things like being loved back by someone who sees you truly, being part of a family, these aren't for everyone and you might be in the 'aren't' pile?
Do you think there's a way to change it if you are?
Or do we have to stay in lies to be part of the game? Is it better to drink to Kool-Aid to be with those you love, or be real and riddled with flaws and always alone? Is it better to really be true with yourself and empty than emptied by another, or settling for someone who will take your shit, be kind, and never set your world on fire?
Every single option sounds like a midlife crisis waiting to happen.