April 12, 2017


Tonight was the first time in years I've come close to buying cigarettes. 

I missed the feeling of smoking. 

The comfortable nothing of it, a thing to do, a strong plume pulling through tightened airways.

But I know what I'm like, how I addict to things. It wouldn't be a couple. I'd hate the feel and taste and smell and be hooked 3 days in, decimating my fought-for singing voice, inducing old asthma attacks and bringing back The Scary Cough.

I hate smoking. Almost everything about it is vile and cruel. But tonight I wanted to feel it again.

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