Tonight was the first time in years I've come close to buying cigarettes.
I missed the feeling of smoking.
The comfortable nothing of it, a thing to do, a strong plume pulling through tightened airways.
But I know what I'm like, how I addict to things. It wouldn't be a couple. I'd hate the feel and taste and smell and be hooked 3 days in, decimating my fought-for singing voice, inducing old asthma attacks and bringing back The Scary Cough.
I hate smoking. Almost everything about it is vile and cruel. But tonight I wanted to feel it again.